Month: July 2011

Ouija Demon: The Rantor Rantic Sessions

Here is a remarkable Ouija session prompted by a fellow member of Unexplained-Mysteries.com, where I have been an active member and columnist for a number of years.

The person proposed a number of questions and challenges, starting with “a dare” for me to purposefully contact demons or evil spirits via the Ouija board, something I was happy to do, having dealt with self-described “demons” many times before on the board.

This session took place in a cabin deep in the woods in northern Minnesota. It was a bitter cold evening with temps dipping to near 30-below-zero, with a stiff wind whipping the wind chill factor to near 50-below. But I had a strong fire stoked in the wood stove, and there was a wonderful spirit of friendship and camaraderie inside. There were 11 people on hand to observe the session.

Earlier, I had treated everyone to my special recipe for walleye chowder. Working the board with me was my friend Brian, and because our usual recorder, Darcy, was not available, another dear and lovely friend, Holly, agreed to act as official recorder.

I felt there was good energy in the room, despite the fact that our goal tonight was to contact evil spirits or demons — but we all agreed to hold open minds and keep an objective attitude, and treat the questions posed by the person who challenged us with respect.

Another important note: For this session, we used two Ouija Boards, for reasons I will explain later. We started the session with the magnetic Ouija board, and set up my old, tried and true board on a separate table near at hand. As always, all answers derived from the board will be displayed in ALL-CAPS.

And so we began: Opening statement: Greetings! We seek communication with any being who would identify itself as a demon, or powerfully evil spirit or entity. Please, we are seeking only the truly wicked and evil tonight. All others kindly hold — again, we cast out our mind for an evil demon! Come forth!

(Note: Without a second of delay, the oracle moved swiftly under our fingers and began to spell words).

ANSWER: I AM RANTOR RANTIC OF MANY THOUGHTS, MANY THOUGHTS.

Question: Are you evil or demonic, or a combination thereof? We are seeking someone or something that is extremely evil.

ANSWER: I AM RANTOR RANTIC OF MANY THOUGHTS. I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS FOR YOU.

Question: Are these thoughts of an evil nature?

ANSWER: I AM RANTOR RANTIC OF MANY THOUGHTS, MANY THOUGHTS FOR YOU, YOU SON-OF-BITCH.

Question: You comment would suggest you are hostile, at the very least. Are you evil?

ANNSWER: I AM RANTOR RANTIC, HOW IS YOUR MOTHER, YOU SON-OF-A B****H?

(Note: For the record, my mother is dead, but at any rate, I decided that Rantor Rantic was merely baiting me with thoughts of my deceased mother. I decided to not take the bait, and rather, stay in control of the flow of communication.

Question: Tell me what kind of thoughts you have for me, Rantor Rantic?

Answer: I AM RANTOR RANTIC, AND WHEN I SUCK OUT YOUR EYEBALLS, EAT YOUR MIND AND GORE YOUR BRAIN (delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete) (Note: Here again, Rantor Rantic vomited forth a stunning array of profane and absolutely disgusting commentary, if it could be called commentary at all. We decided to continue with the program as outlined by the person who made his dare.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I originally deleted the grotesque comments of Rantor Rantic because posting them would have violated the rules against use of extremely offensive language on UM, and I have had many, many requests for the actual comments spewed by Ranor Rantic. Although nothing would prevent me from including them here on my own blog, I have chosen not to for this reason: They are extremely offensive demented, and of the most horrible, violent, and sexually perverted nature involving abuse of children and animals, etc. – and I see no reason to inflict this nightmarish diatribe on anyone, and it would only be gratuitous.
So next, or challenger next suggested that we should ask a demon to “scare our family.” We took a break for a group discussion to consider which member of whose family we should send Rantor Rantic to scare — I quickly volunteered a member of my own family.

I have three brothers, whom I‘ll just identify here as Brother X, Brother Y and Brother Z. Everyone present knows all three of my brothers. We held a short discussion on which of my brothers would be best to inflict a demon upon, and we were all in agreement that we should cast Rantor Rantic upon my Brother X because we all felt he was psychologically and spiritually the weakest.

Thus in agreement, we went back to the Ouija Board).

Question: Rantor Rantic, we now would request that you take up whatever evil powers or abilities that you have at your disposal, and use them to scare my Brother X. My brother lives in (X location) — is there anything more you need in terms of information or direction to go over and scare him as much as possible?

ANSWER: FOR YOUR BROTHER X AND FOR YOU I WILL (delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete).

Question: That’s some truly strong and stinging commentary — but we will be expecting you — and in fact, Rantor Rantic — we now command you and urge you to visit yourself upon my Brother X, and we insist and command you to frighten him to a very severe degree. We absolutely demand that you really rattle his cage like it has never been rattled before. This we command. Will you comply?

ANSWER: I AM RANTOR RANTIC AND I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS FOR YOU, YOU SON-OF-BITCH. I HAVE MANY PLANS FOR YOU.

Question: Please work your demented plans on my Brother X right now. He’s probably asleep in his bed at this time. He’s vulnerable. Perhaps you could at least enter his dreams and give him the fright of his life. We dare you to go and give Brother X a severe nightmare. Furthermore, we will be checking on the results. We will call Brother X and see if you can put your actions where your words are, or are you all talk? Are you up for the challenge?

ANSWER: IN GOOD TIME, YOU SON-OF-BITCH. YOU AND BROTHER X WILL NEVER REST.

Question: Well, so far, you have proven that you can proclaim many shocking and repugnant statements, but I have yet to fear for my future state of comity. We are now going to take a one-hour break, during which time we will expect you to work your mischief on us, or on my Brother X, and we will be checking the results. Understood?

ANSWER: YOU ARE A BREAKAGE. YOU WILL NEVER REST.

(Note: We took a one-hour break. The time was now about an hour after midnight. We decided that at about 2 a.m., we would call my Brother X to see if he had experienced at least a nightmare, or some other scary experience. I arranged to record my phone conversation with my Brother X, and so here is the transcript of the call):

RING: (Note: My Brother X’s wife answered the phone).

Ken: Hello, Alice (not her real name). This is Ken. Can I speak with Brother X?

(Note: I knew my Brother X’s wife would be awake even at this late hour. She’s an insomniac and usually stays up till about 4 a.m. on a regular basis).

Alice: He’s in bed asleep! You scared the s**t out of me. What’s wrong? Why are you calling so late?

Ken: I’m sorry to scare you, Alice, but we are conducting an important experiment with the Ouija Board. We really need to speak with Brother X. It might be important. He may be in danger. Can you wake him up?

Alice: Oh you (delete profanity), and your damned (deleted profanity) Ouija Board! He was at the American Legion meeting all night and had a lot to drink. I doubt he’s getting up for anything, and he has to get up early for work in the morning.

Ken: We only want to talk to him for a minute. Do me a favor and put the phone right by Brother X’s bed and let the phone keep ringing until Brother X wakes up and he answers it. It’s important.

Alice: He’s going to kill you.

Ken: Well, this is for science. It’s important. Will you put the phone by his bed?

Alice: It’s your funeral.

Ken: Thanks, Alice. (Note: We waited five minutes and then began ringing Brother X’s phone. After about 10 minutes he finally answered).

Brother X: What!

Ken: Sorry to wake you, Brother X. This is Ken.

Brother X: What the hell do you want! What’s going on!

Ken: This is extremely important. Have you been experiencing a nightmare just now, or anything else that is strange?

Brother X: The only god–^%^%^% nightmare is going be when I drive over there and break your **&*&&^% face!

Ken: It’s 30-below-zero outside. Your car probably won’t start. But just listen to me for a minute. We contacted an entity named Rantor Rantic on the Ouija Board and …

Brother X: I swear to God, I am going kick my foot up your ass so far, you’re going to be licking my toes until the 4th of July, and if you call one more time … I mean it, you son-of-b***h. CLICK!

(Note: I had my call on speaker phone so all in my Ouija group could hear our conversation. Everyone began to make all kinds of wild speculations. My friend Odin, for example, pointed out how eerie is was that Brother X and threatened me and called me a son-of-a-b***h, just as Rantor Rantic had done a number of times.

The speculation was that perhaps Rantor Rantic was a few steps ahead of us, and was manipulating the whole situation. Others argued that this was ridiculous. Clearly, we had more ground to cover, and so the session continued despite the late hour.

END OF PART 1

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RANTOR RANTIC — 2 The hour was getting very late, and we had already been working the board for a long time, but there was still good energy in the room and we decided to keep the session going. So far, the general agreement was that the demon Rantor Rantic talked a good game, but seemed short on action. Some argued, however, that Rantor Rantic promised to work his mischief “in good time” so that a solid judgment could not be made until some time in the future — in the coming days or weeks.

As I said, we had another Ouija board on hand, so at this point, we decided to switch and contact the MOMMY entity to see if she could offer any insight into this whole dreary Rantor Rantic affair.

Question: We are seeking an audience with MOMMY. MOMMY, are you in the Nothing Chamber?

ANSWER: YES, HONEY. Question: Hello, MOMMY! We are always grateful when you communicate with us. How are things in the Nothing Chamber today?

ANSWER: AS ALWAYS. (Note: This was just a little bit of foolishness. We know that everything is always the same in the Nothing Chamber, and nothing ever changes there.)

Question: Mommy, we have been in contact with an entity, possibly and evil being or demon, which identifies itself as Rantor Rantic. Are you aware of our discussion with Rantor Rantic?

Answer: YES.

Question: Excellent! Mommy, from your position in the Nothing Chamber, what kind of insights can you give us about Rantor Rantic? For example, is he a demon?

ANSWER: NO, SWEATHEART, RATNOR RANTIC IS NOT A DEMON.

Question: Then who or what is Rantor Rantic?

AANSWER: AN ARTIFACT.

Question: What kind of artifact?

ANSWER: IT WOULD BE BEST TO DESCRIBE RANTOR RANTIC AS A DIMENSIONAL ENCYSTMENT PROCESS.

Question: Wow! We never know what you are going to say, Mommy. Please, what is a dimensional encystment process?

ANSWER: FROM YOUR THREE-DIMENSIONAL POINT OF VIEW, ONLY AN APPROXIMATE DESCRIPTION CAN BE GIVEN. HOWEVER, YOU CAN OBTAIN A BETTER UNDERSTANDING DURING YOUR SLEEP, SWEETHEART. (Note: I’ll explain later what MOMMY means by “during your sleep“).

Question: Okay, Mommy. But just give me the short version now.

ANSWER: THINK OF BOILING WATER. YOU SEE ACTIVE BUBBLES THROUGHOUT THE BODY OF WATER. NOW IMAGINE THAT THE WATER IS INSTANTLY FROZEN. THERE WOULD BE BUBBLES SUSPENDED INSIDE THE SOLID FORM.

(There was a pause, here, then MOMMY continued)

NOW IMAGINE THE FROZEN WATER IS PURE MIND, OR PURE INFORMATION. LIKE OXYGEN BUBBLES SUSPENDED IN FROZEN ICE, POCKETS OF INTELLIGENCE BECOME SUSPENDED WITHIN LARGER INTELLIGENCES. THIS IS A DIMENSIONAL ENCYSTMENT PROCESS.

Question: This is mind boggling! Mommy, do you actually expect us to believe that the being Rantor Rantic is a … an … intelligent bubble suspended within a greater intelligence?

ANSWER: APPROXIMATELY, OF COURSE, SWEATHEART. REMEMBER THE LIMITS OF YOUR DIMENSIONAL ORIENTATION. Question: But wait a minute, Mommy. Rantor Rantic used the word “I” as if he had a specific identity and personality. I mean, we spoke with it. We had a dialogue, of sorts. Rantor Rantic is demented, certainly, and evil-seeming, but you seem to be suggesting that Rantor Rantic is not any kind being at all, but rather — an artifact?

ANSWER: RANTOR RANTIC IS AN INTELLIGENCE ARTIFACT. AS SUCH, IT CAN MANIFEST IN A NUMBER OF WAYS.

Question: Well, would you consider Rantor Ranic to be a “being” or an “entity.”

ANSWER: NO, HONEY.

Question: Would you consider Rantor Rantic to be “alive.”

ANSWER: NO, HONEY.

Question: Well, then, how does this non-life-form artifact engage in communication with us?

ANSWER: SHINE WHITE LIGHT THROUGH A PRISM AND YOU GET MANY COLORS. SHINE INTELLIGENCE THROUGH AN ENSYSTMENT PROCESS AND YOU GET MANY FORMS OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

Question: Well, did our intentions of speaking with an evil demon in effect, then, create and evil demon from an enscystment process?

ANSWER: NO, HONEY. HOWEVER, YOU HAVE MET RANTOR RANTIC TWICE BEFORE.

Question: What in blazes could you possibly mean by that, Mommy?

ANSWER: YOU SAW RANTOR RANTIC’S FACE BEHIND THE BRILLIANT BAR OF LIGHT. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT, SWEATHEART?

(Note: This is one of those many times when Mommy made me dizzy with wonder. In fact, I knew exactly what she was talking about here. This was it:

I take a drug for a certain medical condition, but one of the side-effects of this drug is that it can cause blindness. Thus, as long as I was on this drug, I was required to have the backs of my eyeballs photographed every so often so they could monitored for possible damage. As you probably know, when the ophthalmologist photographs the backs of your eyes, they first put some drops in your eyes that dilate your pupils. Then they shine an extremely bright light in your eyes — and for a few minutes afterward, you see the after image of the light — in this case, a bright bar of light.

Well, as I sat there and waited for the eye drops and light image to wear off, I was extremely surprised to see, very vividly, what looked like a human face looking right at me. The only thing odd about the human face was that it had antlers like a deer. Also it seemed weird because it was like the light of the after image was illuminating the face. I thought this was interesting, but I didn’t think all that much of it. The reason is that at that point in my life I had been practicing Zen meditation for about 20 years, and it is very common to have “visions” of all kinds when you meditate — but in Zen, you instructed to simply ignore illusions, not matter how fabulous or meaningful they seem. It’s all just basically “junk.” So I did the same here.

I just looked at the face and didn’t get freaked out by it — I just thought, “Hmmm, here is some strange face looking at me. A man with antlers.” But now, of course, Mommy is trying to tell me that — somehow — this face I saw about 7 or 8 years ago was, in fact, Rantor Rantic — whom my first ever contact with just occurred a few hours ago, and Rantor Rantic is not even a living being! How could this be? I was thinking, let’s see what kind of whopping load of crappola Mommy will dish out to explain this one — but as usual — she had a very good explanation. Since this is already getting to be a long post, I’ll stop here for now, and in the next post, I’ll also tell about the second time I met Rantor Rantic, which is far more interesting than the first.

END OF PART II

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RANTOR RANTIC 3
Question: As always, MOMMY, all your statements only produce dozens more questions for us. It makes me wonder — are you an encystment process, and is The Nothing Chamber some kind of encystment process?

ANSWER: NO, HONEY. THE NOTHING CHAMBER IS A PLACE WHERE THERE IS NOTHING. THERE IS NO DIMENSION.

Question: I was afraid you would say that. But getting back to Rantor Rantic … I’m not sure what to ask first. You say I met Rantor Rantic twice. I would think I would remember meeting this remarkable apparition — or whatever — a second time. Can you prompt me about the second time I saw Rantor Rantic?

ANSWER: IN THE WOODS WITH THE BEAUTIFUL COMPANION. THE BEAUTIFUL COMPANION WOKE YOU JUST IN TIME TO SEE RANTOR RANTIC. THE BEAUTIFUL COMPANION WAS STANDING ON YOUR CHEST.

(Note: When this message came across from Mommy, I was just … well … it is difficult to find the right words. It wasn’t really a feeling of shock, or amazement. It was a feeling like my head was suddenly swarming with hornets, or perhaps nuclear-powered goose bumps — and then a feeling like my entire head turned into one gigantic shivering goose bump.

I excused myself and told all the guys I needed a minute, and perhaps the session was over. I went into a bedroom, sat down in the dark, and I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I wept for about 10 minutes. For I now remembered the second time I confronted Rantor Rantic.

Here is what happened: The year was 1995, during which we experienced one of the coldest periods in Minnesota history. It was the week the record was set at 60-degrees-below zero (Fahrenheit). One of my favorite things to do during these extreme cold snaps is ride my mountain bike along a series of snowmobile trails, which become very hard-frozen.

The trails are compacted and solid, so the bike does not sink, yet the snow on either side of the trail remains soft — thus, if one slips up and goes off the path, and if you are going fast enough, you can get pitched off the bike and into the snow. What made it even more fun for me is that my “beautiful companion” — my big dog — always ran with me along the frozen trails.

I cannot tell you the dog’s name for a reason you will find very strange — it was because this dog had a “secret name” that only he and I knew — there is a long story behind that, but I won’t go into it here. Anyway, I’ll just use MOMMY’S apt description of this dog, and refer to him as BC, which, again, was not his real “secret name.” So, anyway, one night I was staying out at the cabin with BC. At about midnight I noticed it was 42-below-zero outside. BC brought me my riding boot, which meant he was all revved up for a daring midnight mountain bike ride in the frigid cold of night. I agreed and so “suited up” against the deep freeze. Before suiting up, BC ate a pound of raw salmon, and I ate almost as much of the same, which is excellent fuel for extreme cold activity. Shortly, BC and I were heading out into the icy night. A cheery moonlight cast a silver sheen across the snow, making the snow-encrusted Minnesota countryside look like perhaps the Sea of Tranquility on the Moon.

After about a half-mile jaunt down a gravel road, we plunged into the dark forest on a snowmobile trail — this path winds deep into the woods for as many miles as one cares to go. On this night, I figured that I could last 5 to 10 miles before getting into serious trouble through loss of body heat — the key is to keep peddling the bicycle like mad, keeping your blood flowing and muscles working to self-generate warmth.

In a way, this is stupid and dangerous, especially if you do it alone in a remote location, even if you have a good dog as your partner in the endeavor — but that’s the nature of all extreme sports, right? An element of danger. As always, BC was always well ahead of me. He was impervious to the cold. His quarry on these runs were the gigantic snow-white jackrabbits that always seem to be around no matter how cold it is, but he also sometimes scared up weasels, deer and other critters of the woods. For BC, these runs were paradise.

Suddenly about three miles deep into the woods, I was peddling like a madman and right in the middle of the trail there was a sudden soft spot – these are sometimes created when a snowmobile stops, then spins out, digging up the icy surface a bit. When my front wheel hit it, the bike stopped dead, and I was pitched up and over, doing a flip over the handle bars and landing flat on my back with tremendous force. I also conked my head on the hard ice. (No helmet — dumb, I know).

I felt crushing pain in my chest and my head was vibrating — I saw sparkling lights. I was momentarily immobilized there down on the frozen surface. But even my brief delirium, I knew I was in big trouble — just a few minutes of lying there in the 42-degree-below would quickly rob my body of heat. Your fingers and toes go first — they start to tingle and burn … then you have a problem … Well, there was a moment of confusion, an intense feeling of disorientation, and suddenly I felt a thumping on my chest, and I could hear BC barking aggressively very close to my head. I opened my eyes and realized BC was standing with his front paws on my chest but he was very focused on the woods — I heaved myself erect, BC jumped off and charged the woods.

I looked at what he was after and I saw a flash of deer antlers in a ray of moonlight filtering through the trees — and for just a split second — a nanosecond — I had the crazy impression that BC was chasing not a deer, but a man, whom for some reason was wearing a strange hat festooned with deer antlers, maybe like some kind of primitive Viking helmet. Of course, my head was all blinky, so to speak. But then I instantly forgot about it because a nanosecond was all I had. The urgency to get up, get back on the bike, and start peddling out of the forest was critical, or I might have frozen to death.

Of course, I made it back to the cabin, but my fingers were almost without feeling, and both my feet felt like a couple of frozen hams. I had a dime-sized patch of frostbite on my cheek. So, anyway, I never thought of the incident with the deer-man after that — until MOMMY suggested that what we actually confronted in the woods that night was the Artifact — Rantor Rantic. The reason I became so emotional when MOMMY prompted me to remember this event, and the heroic aid I received from my Beautiful Companion, is that after 17 years of wonderful life and many adventures with my best friend, I buried my Beautiful Companion under a sugar maple in my yard last summer.

If you have ever had a dog that you truly love, you know how it is. You want them to live forever, but of course, they don’t, not in the physical sense anyway. And when they leave, they take your heart with them. So that’s where this session ends — but in the future, I’ll give you MOMMY’S explanation of how I could have confronted the Rantor Rantic Artifact in the past, how and why it could appear in human-like form, though not even a living entity, and even though I had never heard of him before we started this particular Ouija session — on a dare — from a member of UM. JOIN KENS FAN PAGE HERE

Also, for more bizarre stories of the extremely strange in Minnesota, I know you’ll enjoy:


MINNESOTA PARANORMALA